I found the hair,
(I am sure it was yours)
in the footwell of my car
as I rummaged for sandwiches at lunchtime.
It must have been there for months.
Drawing it forth slowly; long, black,
a slight reddishness –
your Irish quarter, you once joked -
I stared at it a minute or two.
Pausing.
Lapsing into a sudden daydream –
and you were there,
with me in the car
as if real.
I reached out and put an arm around your waist
(in my mind of course)
as I looked into your face
a moment or two.
And then I awoke
to reality and drab peanut butter sandwiches.
But I left the hair in a rear footwell,
Ready to be discovered again, sometime.
Pleasant. I like how the poem draws itself together. I’d ditch the ‘sometime’ at the end – it detracts from the overall rhythm.
Max.
By: hootoo22 on March 27, 2010
at 4:29 pm
thanks Max
By: ocksblog on March 28, 2010
at 3:09 pm
Love the lapse into a sudden daydream
nicely written poem
and thanks for visiting moondustwriter.com
an honor to have you there
By: moondustwriter on April 9, 2010
at 11:18 am
thanks, I enjoyed reading your work!
By: ocksblog on April 12, 2010
at 11:18 am
I like this part:
I reached out and put an arm around your waist
(in my mind of course)
as I looked into your face
a moment or two.
Keep it up.
By: PhilOdyssey on April 19, 2010
at 6:24 am
thanks for the comment
By: ocksblog on April 19, 2010
at 8:03 am
great displacement of time and feeling.
very nice, thank you.
artifactmagazine.org
By: Zucker on July 3, 2010
at 6:51 pm
cheers,
thanks for reading and a big thanks for the feedback
By: ocksblog on July 4, 2010
at 12:08 am
I love the last line. The lines preceding it isn’t bad either. Amazing things drift through our thoughts at the strangest times. Good writing.
By: Jerry Pat Bolton on August 24, 2010
at 9:21 pm
cheers, thanks for reading
My first comment in a long time – reminds me I should write some more poetry really!
By: ocksblog on August 30, 2010
at 5:15 am
well! i looked this one up cause it got the most comments. did not disappoint. charming in a simple way.
By: soopahvi on September 3, 2010
at 8:16 pm
thanks for reading and commenting!
By: ocksblog on September 6, 2010
at 10:12 am
nostalgic.
By: Layla Torres Bool on March 10, 2011
at 4:17 pm